the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
