We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
