How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
