Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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