Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize