dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
