I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
