when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Everyone says I win the strip club
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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