this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize