And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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