It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize