I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
