he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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