FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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