Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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