TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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