Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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