Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
