she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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