i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
