Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
