My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
