evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
