bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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