Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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