If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
