do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I could fuck to npr.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
