oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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