Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
