You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
