6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
