So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
