there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize