TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
