I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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