If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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