Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
