Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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