perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
