do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
