dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
