Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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