I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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