Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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