You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize