I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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