Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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