Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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