you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
