why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
