Your face is a jimmy john
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
