I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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