I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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