i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
