I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
