She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
