she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
