At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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