Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
