Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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