Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
