What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize