Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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