in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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