small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
