My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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