I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
