That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
