Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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