We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
