So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
