who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
