We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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