I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was so not down for the gang bang
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
